Chapter 1: Understanding Cognitive Distortions

In a previous discussion, I delved into two specific cognitive distortions: catastrophizing and "should" statements. I mentioned that I would follow up on this topic, and here I am!

When I referred to reframing cognitive distortions, I was essentially addressing the notion of distorted thinking itself, rather than labeling people’s thoughts and feelings as incorrect. However, there are times when our thought patterns can amplify our anxiety or distress. How can we assist our loved ones in managing this, or tackle it ourselves?

While it’s important to develop new strategies when our established methods are no longer effective, this doesn’t mean the lessons we learned are flawed; rather, it signifies that we are ready to enhance our emotional skillset. Think of it as an upgrade.

In this section, I will outline several cognitive distortions that may lead to emotional discomfort. It’s crucial to remember that invalidating someone’s feelings is counterproductive, but cultivating strategies to challenge unhelpful thinking patterns can be beneficial.

Fortune Telling

"This is going to be awful."

Fortune telling involves predicting outcomes based on little or no evidence. I’ve witnessed individuals becoming overly anxious by anticipating all the ways something could go wrong.

For instance, my son dreads swimming lessons—the only activity we insist he participates in for safety. As avid campers and beachgoers, it's essential for him to learn to swim. He finds it dull, gets cold, and is overwhelmed by the noise at the pool (which I understand!). Often, when we discuss swimming lessons, he envisions all the negative scenarios that could unfold.

Yet, more often than not, he ends up enjoying himself once he’s there. A helpful approach to combat these "fortune telling" thoughts is to remind oneself (or the individual) of past situations where they anticipated dislike but ended up having fun.

Labelling

Labelling is the tendency to assign a negative judgment to oneself or others based on a single incident.

I frequently find myself doing this while driving. My impatience becomes glaringly obvious when I encounter a slow or inexperienced driver. "What a terrible driver," I might think. But is that really accurate? A singular observation of their abilities doesn’t define their overall driving skill. We’ve all made driving errors, but that doesn’t label us as bad drivers.

This can become problematic when we direct such harsh labels at ourselves or our loved ones. For example, when I falter on a task I consider simple, I often berate myself, thinking, "Ugh, I’m such an idiot." Many individuals with ADHD face issues with self-esteem and receive more criticism than their neurotypical peers, likely due to internalized stigma.

To combat labelling, it’s essential to recognize when we do this and take a moment to pause. If you catch yourself assigning labels—either to yourself or others—try to identify the underlying emotion (e.g., frustration, anger, hurt) and validate your experience. Instead of labeling myself as an idiot, I can remind myself that making mistakes is part of being human, regardless of how "easy" a task may seem.

The Destructive Duo

What happens when we apply this distorted thinking to our loved ones?

My partner is generally calm and collected, which starkly contrasts my emotional responses. When I feel overwhelmed, I often assume he cannot relate. "He just doesn’t understand; he’s too sheltered!"

In this scenario, I am engaging in two cognitive distortions: labelling him as sheltered because he hasn’t shared my experiences, and overgeneralizing by claiming he can never comprehend my feelings.

After employing some self-regulation techniques, I find myself more capable of reflective thinking. Is it genuinely true that he can’t understand? A more accurate statement would be that I felt misunderstood in that moment, but that doesn’t mean he lacks the capacity to empathize.

Moreover, stating that he’s too sheltered only exacerbates my own feelings. If I’m honest, this reaction often stems from jealousy regarding his stable upbringing. Expecting him to understand my internal struggles without any explanation is unfair.

Chapter 2: The Impact of Black and White Thinking

Cognitive distortions can also manifest as dichotomous thinking, where situations are viewed in absolute terms—either all good or all bad, with no middle ground. Many neurodivergent individuals grapple with this rigidity of thought.

Three Ways Our Thoughts Can Contribute To Emotional Distress

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Related Articles and References

In the first video, "The Power of Emotional Intelligence," viewers learn about the significance of understanding and managing emotions for personal and professional success.

The second video, "Level Up Your Emotional Intelligence | Dr. Travis Bradberry," provides practical tips on enhancing emotional intelligence to improve relationships and self-awareness.