Transform Your Life by Defying Your Instincts
Written on
Chapter 1: Embracing Honest Feedback
It's essential to seek the truth from someone you trust, even if it may be challenging to hear.
People who offer constructive criticism come in various forms. When you’re ready to initiate change, look for those who reflect your behaviors back to you, pose tough questions, and provide relevant insights that can help you stop unproductive habits and adopt more effective ones.
A close friend once answered my inquiry with brutal honesty. I asked her if she was upset with me because she seemed different. Without hesitation, she replied, "Robyn, everything's not about you."
That was a hard pill to swallow! In moments like that, it's not instinctive for me to respond with, "Please elaborate." Yet, I've learned that this is the best course of action.
Once I got past the initial shock and embarrassment, I recognized the value of her message. It became clear that my friend was dealing with her struggles, and instead of offering my support, I was preoccupied with my feelings.
Whether someone is a certified coach or simply a candid friend, seek out those who can broaden your perspective and provide genuine feedback.
Another instance of difficult but invaluable feedback occurred years prior. A former colleague pointed out something I had not considered. After I lamented about a mutual acquaintance’s unfortunate life circumstances, she remarked, "Robyn, isn’t it strange that everyone else seems to have a sad life except you?"
My first reaction was shock, followed by anger, and eventually embarrassment. It took me a bit longer to digest her words, but with time, I recognized the validity of her observation. I had been distancing myself from my emotions, viewing the world from a lofty position that shielded me from feeling pain.
These examples illustrate that some individuals care enough to share the truth with you. They might not hold professional coaching credentials, but they can identify behaviors that hinder your growth.
We all need trustworthy individuals who are willing to point out what they observe before we veer off course.
These conversations have significantly impacted my life. One helped me confront my insecurities rather than hide behind them, while the other fueled my desire to understand interpersonal relationships and emotional defenses—a pursuit that has opened doors I never imagined.
As a licensed psychotherapist and certified coach, I'm fortunate to assist clients in exploring human experiences and maximizing their brief time on this Earth.
Here are five strategies to leverage the wisdom of those around you:
Choose Wisely
It’s crucial to be selective about whom you trust. Some individuals can be harsh. Ensure your ‘coach’ embodies values and motivations you respect, and has a proven track record.
Be Open
The quality of the feedback you receive hinges on your willingness to be vulnerable. We all have insecurities. You cannot conceal them. Those close enough to provide valuable insights already see your flaws, so stop pretending to be someone else.
Seek Feedback and Listen
The best way to uncover the truth is to ask, "What do you perceive I'm doing that might be obstructing my progress?" Whether the feedback is easy to digest or feels like a blow, take the time to reflect. Often, the most difficult feedback is what can redirect you toward a more fulfilling path.
Acknowledge Your Emotions
Permit yourself to experience any feelings that arise from the feedback—be it fear, anger, frustration, or embarrassment. Emotions convey crucial information. My initial reactions to difficult feedback typically include shock, anger, and embarrassment, but they eventually lead to gratitude and relief for the valuable insights that can help me eliminate self-imposed barriers.
Take Action
Don’t squander the opportunity. What good is feedback if you fail to act on it? When someone provides you with insightful feedback, don’t just mull it over—implement changes to overcome the obstacles you've created to shield yourself from life. This principle applies across all areas of life. Seek feedback to improve as a parent, friend, sibling, colleague, and more, and then put in the effort.
JD emphasizes in "How to Use a Coach Effectively" that, "Remember, you change yourself. Your coach doesn’t change you. Your coach is not a crutch—they're a potential change agent, but the responsibility for change lies with you."
If you are fortunate to have a trusted individual in your life, regardless of their credentials, remember that your growth is ultimately in your hands. Keep these five tips in mind as you move forward to avoid falling into a rut:
- Be discerning when selecting your mentors.
- Embrace vulnerability and authenticity.
- Actively seek and listen to feedback.
- Make space for your emotions.
- Follow through with actionable steps.
The first video, "How Your Mind Can Change Everything" featuring Kent and Heather Mckean, explores the profound impact of mindset on life changes.
The second video, "How to Use the Natural Law of Karma to Create the Reality We Want" with Ven. Robina Courtin, discusses harnessing karma for personal transformation.
Join my mailing list to stay connected. I'd love to hear your thoughts.
If you enjoy my writing and wish to see more, consider supporting me and other authors by becoming a Medium member today.