# Why Do I Feel Inadequate Despite My Accomplishments?
Written on
Chapter 1: The Quest for Validation
I consider myself intelligent, and while I'm unsure if I’m truly successful, I definitely possess ambition.
Some people I know have suggested that my growth of 9,000 Twitter followers over ten months was primarily due to my looks. As a result, I tend to avoid posting selfies, sharing only one swimsuit picture while working poolside. Another acquaintance remarked that my candid tweets about my life provide entertainment, akin to a trainwreck that people can’t help but watch.
This makes me question my identity—who am I really?
It’s challenging to write about real experiences, as they affect real individuals. Writing should resonate with people; otherwise, what's the purpose?
It’s ironic that I sever connections and then wonder why I feel isolated. This realization led me to carve out a space online where my real-life identity is unknown. I needed to reconstruct my life by expressing my truth. It almost feels like I’ve relocated to a completely different part of the country where no one recognizes me.
I often ponder whether I am too sensitive, too earnest, or overly driven. Some say that’s a negative trait. I invite friends to hang out, yet I rarely receive a response. They assume I'm busy with thrilling activities.
I missed out on a career-defining job that could have set the course for my future.
Throughout my life, I have faced challenges due to a learning disorder, which has led me to work harder, communicate extensively, and generate innovative ideas. However, in doing so, I sometimes inadvertently upset others and became a source of frustration.
My experiences have shown me that if I don’t put in the effort, people assume I’m apathetic due to my mistakes. Unfortunately, they often become terse when they have to rectify those errors, prompting me to strive even harder to avoid them.
Section 1.1: The Pain of Loneliness
Caring deeply hasn’t shielded me from hurt.
I believed my life was finally on track; I had a job and a boyfriend I thought cared for me. But then he broke things off.
I confided in a friend that without her reaching out, I would have spent my birthday alone with a drink in hand. Why don't I have more girlfriends to call? Why did I invest so much time in climbing a ladder that lacked proper support?
Looking back, I realize I could have taken more sick days and enjoyed beach days with friends. Interestingly, I graduated from college without ever experiencing drunkenness—such was my commitment to the life I envisioned.
I can understand why some choose not to love intensely or dream ambitiously. Now, I’m left with the shattered remnants of what could have been, while others label me as overly dramatic. Relationships and aspirations come to an end, and we must learn to move forward.
Section 1.2: Seeking Connection
But where are the real-life hugs? Where are those who promised to love me unconditionally, regardless of my achievements?
Did I inadvertently push them away?
I never intended to distance myself from anyone. I believed that if I avoided mistakes and became financially stable, people would appreciate me more. I thought I could gift them tokens of affection and enjoy weekends celebrating their milestones.
Where did I misstep? How can I mend these connections?
If you would like to accompany me on this journey of self-discovery and writing, please subscribe to my email list for updates.
Chapter 2: Rediscovering Connections
No youtube to insert.