Finding Solace in Shared Struggles

Some close friends are facing difficulties that remind me of the safety found in solidarity—there is comfort in shared experiences. By being open and sharing our burdens, we learn that others endure even harsher trials, which can provide a sense of relief.

Take Karen, for example. Her mother has been battling cancer for several months, and Karen, who lost her job during the pandemic, feels helpless. "There’s no worse feeling than watching someone you love suffer, and knowing you can’t do anything to help," she confides.

While Karen’s pain is palpable, it allows me to momentarily forget my own struggles.

The Power of Acceptance

It’s easy to think, "My friend has it worse than I do," and feel a fleeting sense of relief. However, this comparative mindset doesn’t lead to healing; it merely postpones the inevitable. It can boost self-esteem temporarily, but is that truly beneficial?

"Enjoy your own life without comparing it with that of another." — Marquis de Condorcet

The true essence of our lives should involve facing our challenges, accepting our circumstances, and envisioning solutions through decisive action. This mindset is crucial for attaining peace and happiness; without it, we may continue to deceive ourselves into thinking we are doing better than we actually are.

Self-Awareness in the Pursuit of Happiness

We are all on a quest for happiness, aren’t we?

Recognizing when we start to compare ourselves to others is vital, as highlighted by Zen Habits. When that awareness arises, we need to stop and remind ourselves of what we cherish—the people, the experiences, and the blessings that life has bestowed upon us. Making this a daily practice can lead to increased contentment.

I have adopted several mental and behavioral shifts to combat the urge to compare myself to others:

1. Self-Awareness: I am committed to understanding myself better.
2. Thought Management: I acknowledge comparative thoughts but redirect my focus.
3. Gratitude: I maintain a daily list of things I’m thankful for, recognizing my own good fortune despite challenges.
4. Embracing Imperfection: I accept my flaws while striving for improvement, acknowledging that perfection is unattainable.
5. Helping Others: Assisting others not only benefits them but also aids my healing.
6. Big Picture Perspective: I view life as a journey, not a race, understanding that growth comes from experiences, not competition.
7. Love: I believe that love is never wasted.

I see life as a continuous journey, rather than a competition. "To love is to stop comparing." — Bernard Grasset

For some time now, I have been engaged in this self-awareness exercise, eager to uncover more about what drives me, how I operate, and what I truly value.

The Path to Self-Discovery

Recently, I discovered an article by Sílvia Bastos titled "The 5-Bullet-Log: A Note-Taking System to Increase Self-Awareness and Learn More From Life," and I have been diligently applying its principles. The outcomes have been remarkably positive, granting me renewed focus. It’s amusing how the simplest solutions often yield the best results.

In just a few days, I have learned to embrace constructive criticism from friends and to listen more intently. I fully accept that life is a journey, not a competition, and that each individual has unique paths, challenges, and experiences. The world isn't unkind; it’s merely complex.

I reflect on my past and anticipate my future. By journaling my expectations for tomorrow, I can evaluate my accomplishments with confidence. Growth is achieved through incremental actions, both big and small.

Reflection enhances my self-awareness, allowing me to track what works and what doesn’t. I can choose to focus inward. I’ve learned to document others’ opinions, enabling me to connect the dots later. "Always try to learn from other people's mistakes, not your own; it is much cheaper that way," says Donald Trump. Perhaps he has a point.

Each day offers a learning opportunity. If I acquire one new insight daily, imagine the wealth of knowledge I could accumulate in a week, month, or year! My thoughts are not lost; I discern between what is rational and what is not. I can revisit my insights and sometimes find humor in them.

These cues guide me in identifying potential dangers, knowing when to adjust my circumstances, and fostering my growth. I am grateful for my blessings; my prayers are filled with gratitude.

To evolve is to become a better version of ourselves each day. Thus, learning equips our future selves with the wisdom needed for significant decisions. — Sílvia Bastos

Mental Health Challenges Are Not a Sign of Weakness

One truth remains: this battle cannot be fought in isolation. We need each other—companions who listen without judgment and offer truthful, compassionate advice.

I am fortunate to have a friend I can confide in; she has been a steadfast support. Having someone to share your innermost fears with is incredibly healing.

This is a victory in itself!

Overcoming Mental Health Obstacles

The reality of many mental health disorders is that they are invisible; they cannot be perceived externally. For example, it’s challenging for others to understand:

• How exhausting your thoughts can be
• The struggle to find restful sleep
• The overwhelming nature of spiraling thoughts
• The confusion between dreams and reality

It’s painful to witness your own destructive behaviors, particularly when you feel powerless to change them.

Waking up each day can feel like a daunting task. It’s as if you’ve run a marathon and lost. Sleep, meant to rejuvenate, can instead become a source of dread.

Throughout my journey as a Bipolar warrior (I refuse to see myself as a victim), I’ve sought the guidance of a psychiatrist or trained counselor. However, I’ve learned that the average session fee in Kenya is about $40.

Just one session!

I often wonder how many people can afford this.

The cost of mental health care in public hospitals can be prohibitive, further discouraging individuals from seeking help. Private facilities charge even higher rates, making access to care a privilege few can afford.

Given these challenges, it’s evident that when you’re alone, you bear the majority of the responsibility for addressing your mental health concerns.

The High Cost of Mental Healthcare in Kenya

When the means to obtain help elude you, it can be distressing. When unemployed and struggling to make ends meet—perhaps earning a few dollars through writing—you come to appreciate the significance of every dollar. It can cover your basic needs before you even contemplate your mental health.

In such circumstances, prioritizing food over anything else becomes necessary.

Many Kenyans are forced to accept that the quest for better mental health is simply out of reach. Mental health care appears to be reserved for those who can afford it. I now comprehend why some people cling to the hope of miracles. After putting forth our best efforts, when outcomes remain disappointing, what else can we do but wait and hope?

Insights Gained from My Journey

Through my daily journaling and reflections, I have gathered important lessons. I am resolved to continue advocating for improved mental health care for everyone.

"The journeys that matter most rarely come with a map." — Seth Godin

"We are a little young to die," my friend Karen remarked one morning. While I may not fully grasp the concept of death, I understand that grappling with mental health feels like existing in a haunted house—perhaps even worse than death itself.

Journaling for Clarity

From my journals, I’ve discovered that writing brings me tranquility. Strangely, putting my thoughts on paper—be it in a journal, Evernote, Google Docs, or Medium—calms my mind. I notice a decrease in anxiety and headaches after expressing my feelings.

Now, I find the energy to engage in light exercise and feel uplifted. I’m uncertain how long this newfound energy will last. Just last night, I struggled to sleep, driven by an overwhelming urge to write about a topic that lingered in my mind. My thoughts were flowing, but my body was fatigued.

It’s disheartening to watch my body and mind at odds, akin to two bulls locked in combat. Eventually, I resorted to sleep meditation, and fortunately, I drifted off, only to awaken to my weary body.

Dreams: Reality or Illusion?

Recently, my dreams have felt strikingly real, as if I were living those moments. If only I had a dream recorder to transcribe my experiences, I could easily upload them as stories on Medium.

How do you quell worry?

How do you alleviate anxiety that arises without cause?

I find myself anxious about mundane tasks—taking a shower, eating, or using the restroom.

Why do I rush my movements when deadlines are nonexistent? That hurriedness is utterly exhausting.

In fleeting moments, I experience joy and motivation, which is reassuring. For instance, after writing this article, I feel a sense of accomplishment. Yet, I also grapple with the anxiety that such moments are fleeting.

Have you ever felt fear?

Consider the fear surrounding trivial matters, let alone larger concerns. Are you ever frightened by the prospect of missing your morning routine? I am.

Choosing to Embrace What You Love

My friend always has a way of lifting my spirits, so I reached out to her early in the day. One aspect of self-awareness involves listening to others and incorporating their insights into your healing journey. I’m grateful for her presence in my life. After our conversation, I felt better. However, I now harbor a fear of disappointing her.

I find myself fearful of things yet to unfold.

I am afraid of my own fears.

Writing serves as a therapeutic outlet for me. I hope this narrative resonates with you.

The Bright Side: Celebrating Small Victories

At times, I experience intense anxiety. Nevertheless, I manage this challenge, albeit occasionally. I maintain a journal to document my good and bad days, allowing me to identify triggers for depressive episodes and manage them effectively. Each day, I write a note to my future self, which could even be for tomorrow. By keeping these lists, I take ownership of my emotions and feel accountable for my mental state, allowing me to navigate similar situations with greater ease.

While I have not fully healed, I take pride in my small victories. I aspire to grow in self-awareness with each passing day.

Change is daunting, and making significant life-altering choices is not for the faint-hearted. It requires courage to look beyond initial fears and embrace the full potential of our lives. — Rebecca Murauskas

Sometimes, Strangers Listen Better

All hope is not lost. After years of battling mental health issues, I have made commendable strides.

If you’d like to connect with me, feel free to tweet me at @fmwongella.

Sometimes, strangers can provide a listening ear more readily than friends.

When I chose to prioritize my happiness, my life transformed into a perpetual state of joy. — Rebecca Murauskas

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

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The 5-Bullet-Log: A Note-Taking System to Increase Self-Awareness and Learn More From Life

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