Finding a Sense of Belonging: Embracing the Small Moments in a Bosnian Café
Written on
Chapter 1: The Search for a Cozy Retreat
Since my early days of watching sitcoms, I've longed for that ideal coffee shop—a place that serves more than just caffeine; it would become my sanctuary. I envisioned a spot where the barista recognizes my order before I even sit down. This yearning for a sense of home in a busy environment has lingered with me throughout my travels over the past four years. I've discovered various havens—homes away from home—thanks to the people and atmospheres I find myself immersed in. Yet, I often found myself trapped in my own thoughts, feeling isolated even in crowded spaces, longing for acknowledgment and acceptance.
As I sit in a charming café in Bosnia, enveloped by the scent of freshly lit cigarettes (yes, smoking is allowed here) and the soft hum of nearby conversations (most tables occupied by solitary men gazing into the distance), my second cappuccino arrives. This one is particularly memorable. It’s not merely the rich, creamy taste or the abundant foam that makes it special; it’s the brown sugar packet next to it, a thoughtful deviation from the usual white. This simple gesture—a barista recalling my preference—feels like a warm embrace of acceptance, a quiet confirmation that I am noticed and appreciated.
Section 1.1: Reflecting on My Past
As I stir the sugar into my drink, memories flood back to my childhood, where the world felt overwhelmingly vast and social dynamics appeared too complex. Growing up in Monaco made me feel like a small dog in a world of towering figures. Though taller than most of my classmates, I constantly imitated others, striving to blend in while still feeling like an outsider.
Every setting had its own unspoken rules, and I dreaded disrupting the fragile equilibrium of social interactions—convinced I must know how to behave perfectly to avoid upsetting the status quo.
Subsection 1.1.1: The Reality of Judgment
It’s an undeniable fact that we both judge and are judged in return—a vital aspect of human existence. To think otherwise is self-deception. I often misread this judgment; every passing glance or opinion felt like a personal affront, an attempt to confine me within labels and limitations.
Section 1.2: Life as a Stage
School felt like a theater, with everyone flawlessly performing their roles while I remained scriptless. I mimicked others' mannerisms and speech, feeling as if I had to learn a foreign language to survive. In this scenario, I was a caged animal, held back by the invisible constraints of my own making.
Have you heard of the grasshopper experiment? When confined in a jar, they stop jumping even after the lid is removed, convinced that escape is futile. I, too, ceased my attempts to leap; I internalized the belief that to desire anything was somehow wrong.
Chapter 2: Discovering Inner Peace
As I savor the last sip of my coffee, perfectly sweetened, I come to a realization: I have been in search of inner tranquility. Once you cultivate the ability to remain buoyant within yourself, you can endure any tempest. It’s not only about finding a place where you feel at home; it’s about learning to be present in the moment, to find joy in the minutiae, and to view life through an artist's lens—always curious, always engaged, and forever in wonder.
