Understanding Mortality Projections

The highly contagious omicron variant may lead to milder symptoms, but experts predict that mortality rates in the United States will persist. According to modelers, every individual currently alive in the nation is destined to face death eventually.

“Regrettably, that number stands at approximately 330 million,” stated Sam Jason, an epidemiologist from the University of South Florida. “One day, every one of them will pass away.”

The current seven-day moving average of mortality reveals a stark reality: everyone will eventually succumb to death, including high-profile figures like Elon Musk.

“Musk will face mortality too,” Jason confirmed while pointing to his extensive collection of graphs. “This data paints a grim picture.”

But how beneficial are these charts?

“They aren’t,” Jason confessed. “However, they keep us occupied while we await our inevitable fate.”

Despite indications that the omicron strain may be diminishing, the extraordinary levels of transience sweeping across the country suggest that many who believe they are invincible will soon face harsh realities. Should the higher projections hold true, the concept of the “circle of life” as depicted in Disney narratives will resonate for many individuals.

“Many will still face mortality because of life’s fleeting nature,” Jason remarked. “Unfortunately, the situation will worsen before it gets better.”

Morgues in some areas are beginning to reach capacity, but there’s no need for concern—death will find a way to make space for you. “You may think you can elude that fate by relocating or adopting a pet, but it won’t change your destiny,” explained Dr. Ari Tami, the health department director in Kansas City, MO. “This year alone, over three thousand residents in our county have died, predominantly unvaccinated individuals. However, even those vaccinated will eventually face their own reckoning.”

Visualizing the math behind mortality—the reality that the survival rate will eventually reach zero—is challenging for many.

“It’s difficult to label this as bad news,” said Sara Y. Tartof, a research scientist at Kaiser Permanente. “It simply is what it is. Regardless of your healthcare coverage or personal health, you’re on a fast track toward oblivion. Sorry.”

So, why not enjoy life while you can?

Remember, the clock is ticking!

Have you been wasting precious moments obsessing over COVID statistics and avoiding the virus? Shift your focus. Consider this instead:

Have you experienced a “braingasm” today?

If you haven’t, what’s stopping you?

Indulge in one right now!