Empowering Your Kids: Focus on Growth Instead of Happiness
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Understanding the Goal
When we send our children into the world, we often do so with two primary aspirations: "I just want you to be happy," and "Follow your passions." While our intentions are noble, we inadvertently burden them with our own definitions of a fulfilling life.
This perspective seems harmless; we believe we are encouraging them to explore their true selves. However, in reality, we are subtly imposing our expectations of happiness and passion upon them. This is particularly unfair given the complexities of life, especially amidst the challenges posed by a global pandemic.
Instead of fostering joy, this approach can lead to disillusionment. If they perceive our own struggles with happiness, they may question why they should feel any different.
The Challenges of Happiness and Passion
It's natural to wish for our children's happiness, particularly when we witness their struggles with various life challenges. Every parent deeply empathizes with their child's pain, and it's a valid concern. Yet, it's perplexing why we impose such high expectations on them: finding a job that excites them and maintaining a constant state of contentment.
These lofty aspirations often set them up for disappointment. Many individuals end up in therapy, believing they’ve failed when, in reality, they are merely navigating the ups and downs of life.
Instead of pressuring them with unattainable goals, we should encourage them to embark on a journey of self-discovery.
Instead, consider saying:
"I want you to learn about yourself, stay grounded, and recognize that challenges are universal. Develop the skills to cope when tough times arise."
Here are some key principles to share with your children as they transition into adulthood:
You Don't Need a Grand Plan.
Very few individuals enter adulthood with a detailed roadmap. While some may seem to be on a clear path, they are the exception rather than the rule. Seeking clarity of purpose can detract from enjoying the present moment and may create unnecessary pressure.
Follow Your Curiosity, Not Just Passion.
Shift your focus from searching for passion to nurturing curiosity. Engaging with various interests allows for exploration and growth, paving the way for potential passions to emerge.
One Decision Doesn’t Define Your Future.
Adults reportedly make around 35,000 conscious choices daily. No single decision will determine your entire life trajectory, so don’t grant it undue significance. Embrace the chance to learn from each experience.
Every Experience Holds Value.
Nothing is wasted in life, even the jobs or relationships that seem insignificant. Each experience contributes to your understanding and perspective, enriching your journey.
Go All In.
Whatever you pursue, commit wholeheartedly. Being half-hearted prevents genuine engagement with your interests and relationships. Fully immerse yourself and embrace the outcomes.
Prioritize Self-Care.
Invest in your well-being, creativity, and personal growth. Equip yourself with tools to navigate life's challenges, ensuring you can support both yourself and others.
Engage in Fun Activities.
Enjoyment is essential. Allow yourself to unwind and not take life too seriously. Laughter and joy are vital contributions to the world.
In the words of Hans Christian Andersen, "Enjoy life" while you can—there's plenty of time for everything else later.
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The first video highlights essential phrases for parents to say to their children to foster better emotional connections and understanding.
The second video discusses the notion that it is not a parent's responsibility to ensure their child's happiness and offers guidance on navigating this topic.