Chapter 1: A Birthday to Remember

The echoes of the past resonate within me, bringing forth memories and stories that refuse to fade away.

“Mom, are you ready? We can’t keep Dad waiting!” came the cheerful voices of my children from downstairs. “He’s already in the car!”

“Just a moment!” I called back from my bedroom. “I’m almost done. How do I look? Do my shoes match?”

“Yes, Mom, you look amazing!” they chorused. “We can’t be late for our dinner reservation. It’s your birthday!”

They had put in so much effort to make this occasion memorable, from the restaurant to the gifts, all to share quality time. I long for that thrill of anticipation, that electric feeling of excitement that accompanies special events.

It feels like an eternity since I last experienced that kind of joy. Our family’s happiness was abruptly disrupted by the onset of traumatic brain injury and Alzheimer’s. These challenges turned our laughter into tears and left us grappling with a profound emptiness that seems insurmountable. In 2015, we all felt a deep break, and just when we began to heal, we faced another devastating blow three years later: the loss of our family’s pillar. How would we find a way to recover from this?

There’s a saying that suggests the difficulties we face are proportional to our strength and ability to endure. How is it that I have endured so much, expecting to rise again each time? Not only did I have to regain my footing, but I also had to take on responsibilities far beyond my own capabilities. Could I truly care for two adults, manage a business, and maintain our home? Where would I find the strength, knowledge, and resilience needed? Who would support me in moments of stagnation? These questions lingered until I embarked on my journey. The days we faced will remain etched in my memory. My vulnerabilities transformed into sources of strength, my ignorance opened pathways to legal and financial wisdom, and my initial fear morphed into an unexpected bravery. I came to realize I was never alone on this path.

Today, nostalgia washes over me as I miss the bustling excitement that would have filled this day. While I will spend my time caring for the two beloved men in my life and nurturing my passion for writing, I know I will receive heartfelt birthday wishes through texts, social media, and calls from cherished friends and family. My daughters, my unwavering support, will send me beautiful flowers as they do each year. Although this day begins with a tear and reflects on the past, it will also embrace the present and look forward to the promise of tomorrow. I will grow a year older, wiser, and grateful as I accept the journey that has shaped my life.

This reflection was penned in February, but I delayed sharing it due to unforeseen circumstances. I find myself in a more serene state now and hope you find value in my words.

Martynas Ki. (@strangecash) Lee Byrd Ashllyn T. ? Mika Oka Derek Morgan Cristina Cattai Chantal Christie Weiss Judy Haratz Cohen Lisa Morgan Bella Smith ? Frances A. Chiu, Ph.D. | writing coach | editor