Chapter 1: The Dating Dilemma

Going out on a date shouldn’t resemble a job interview, yet I found myself in that exact scenario. On my second date, I was the one conducting an interrogation—awkward, right?

The first outing involved milkshakes at an outdoor table, and it was just a barrage of questions and uncomfortable silences. The second date mirrored this experience, but we switched to coffee at a picnic bench.

Can you spot the recurring theme?

Despite this, I continued to see him for months! The relationship was already set up for failure, and it wasn’t just because of the awkwardness. There were deeper issues, which you can explore in more detail here.

Now, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with grabbing coffee or milkshakes on a date, nor is there anything wrong with asking questions—after all, you’re getting to know one another. However, the atmosphere shouldn’t feel like a tense office where every answer feels like it needs to be perfect to secure the role.

Consider how you behave with friends versus in an interview. There’s a significant difference, isn’t there?

When you’re with friends, you can let loose and be your true self. There’s laughter, engaging conversations, and a good chance you’re in comfy sweats.

Conversely, during an interview, it’s all about the tailored suit, polished shoes, and a rehearsed smile. The conversation is stilted and filled with clichés as you both sit in stiff chairs, trying to convince one another that you’re the right fit.

Which scenario would you prefer for a date?

I’m not advocating for sweatpants on a date—please, don’t do that. Show some style! If you’re heading to a fancy restaurant, definitely dress up, but let your personal flair shine through. But I digress…

Let’s focus on the intentions you bring to a date, the overall "vibe" that establishes the tone for the interaction.

Remember, you’re simply getting to know each other. There’s no commitment involved—this is just a date, not a marriage. Keep that in mind.

Tips for Keeping the Mood Light

1. Be Authentic

   It’s common to want your date to find you appealing, but don’t masquerade as someone else. Your insecurities might push you to act stiff and uncomfortable.

Trust me, you don’t want to reveal months later that you were just pretending. It’s better to be genuine and see where things go. If you’re not compatible, it's better to discover that sooner rather than later.

2. Take it Outside

   By all means, grab that cup of coffee, but why not take it to go and enjoy a leisurely walk? This creates a more authentic experience with plenty to talk about rather than the tension of sitting across from each other and firing off questions.

Plus, walking boosts endorphins, which can help alleviate stress—so it’s a win-win!

3. Keep it Simple

   If a guy asks you out, he should ideally plan the date. However, guys, feel free to ask her about her interests.

Early on in dating, you don’t need to go all out; simple activities can reduce stress. Think of options like picnics, comedy clubs, the zoo, wine tasting, or cooking classes.

4. Step Outside Your Comfort Zone

   While this might not ease your nerves, it can reveal how both of you handle situations when not in control. This is something you might want to try after a few dates when you’ve both become more comfortable.

Booking a bungee jumping session before realizing your date has a fear of heights? Yeah, maybe save that adventure for later.

In Summary

Dating inherently comes with a certain level of stress as you meet new people and hope they like you. However, both individuals should aim for a relaxed atmosphere.

Remember, you’re simply getting to know each other, not making lifelong commitments on the first date.

• Be authentic
• Take it outside
• Keep it simple
• Step outside your comfort zone

Take a deep breath and enjoy the moment!

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