The Quirky Remedies of Henry VIII

Henry VIII was not only known for his reign but also for his unusual approach to health and medicine. Here are some of the peculiar cures he might have suggested.

In the Tudor era, the medical understanding was based on the theory of humours, which included four key fluids: blood (Sanguine), phlegm (Phlegmatic), yellow bile (Choleric), and black bile (Melancholic). An imbalance in these humours was thought to lead to illness. Henry’s physician, John Chambers, identified him as having a sanguine temperament, characterized by a jovial disposition and a penchant for indulgence in food and drink.

To manage Henry's sanguine tendencies, Chambers would routinely draw blood five times a year and advised him against overindulgence, especially in swan pudding. When Henry exhibited extreme lethargy, his doctors opted for purging treatments, including laxatives and enemas, in an effort to execute what they charmingly referred to as a "royal siege." (Swan pudding certainly had its effects!)

Henry took pride in his self-taught pharmaceutical knowledge and often traveled with his personal medical kit alongside his favorite doctor, Dr. Butts—a name that certainly raised eyebrows.

Despite the frequent medical interventions, Henry eventually grew weary of his doctors’ methods and began concocting his own remedies with assistance from his Royal Apothecary.

Let's dive into the whimsical world of Dr. Hank...

Dear Dr. Hank,

I suffer from severe cramps each month during my cycle. My doctor has suggested I drink a mixture of ground steel and wine. What would you advise?

-Mistress Menses

Dear Mistress Menses,

I shall promptly send you six golden cramp rings. Each year on Good Friday, I bless these rings, known for their ability to alleviate cramps and convulsions. Just last week, I sent some to the Duchess of Suffolk, and they worked wonders for her. Best wishes.

-Dr. Hank

Historical Insight: Cramp rings were a popular remedy between 1308 and 1558, believed to be blessed by the monarch, allowing them to heal without direct contact. Queen Elizabeth I later put an end to this practice.

Dear Dr. Hank,

I have a painful, pus-filled sore on my leg. What do you recommend?

• Sir Pussalot

Dear Sir Pussalot,

I also experience similar swelling in my legs. I will send you 'The King's Majesty's Own Plaster,' which is guaranteed to heal ulcers and soothe the affected area. It contains my secret blend of marshmallows, linseed, lead oxide, silver, red coral, and dragon's blood, all mixed with rose oil, rose water, and white wine.

-Dr. Hank

Historical Insight: Henry VIII suffered from recurrent leg ulcers, causing severe discomfort. His doctors once attempted to treat it with a red-hot poker, which likely contributed to his decision to turn to self-medication.

Dear Dr. Hank,

Unfortunately, your plaster has exacerbated my condition. Do you have an alternative remedy?

• Sir Pussalot

Dear Sir Pussalot,

Grind pearl and lignum guaiacum into a fine powder, mix it with a little water, and apply it to the sore. This will allow the bad humours to escape. Alternatively, you can ingest it. Guaiacum, recently discovered in the New World, is known for treating skin ulcers and syphilis. My brother, Francis, claims it cured his groin pain, and even Emperor Charles V used it for gout.

-Dr. Hank

Historical Insight: Morbus Gallicus refers to syphilis, a condition that plagued many during that time. While it's unclear if Henry VIII contracted it, King Francis I likely succumbed to the disease.

Dear Dr. Hank,

My dear daughter is afflicted with the Sweat. I have wrapped her warmly to keep out the bad air and filled her room with vinegar to ward off illness, but I fear for her life.

• Sir Sweate

Historical Insight: The Sweating Sickness was a highly contagious illness that could kill within hours. During outbreaks, the pungent smell of vinegar was prevalent, as it was believed to purify the air.

Dear Sir Sweate,

I will send you Rasis pills. I previously provided these to my mistress Anne Boleyn when she suffered from the Sweat, and she recovered swiftly. Should that fail, combine the white yolk from a philosopher's egg, saffron, white mustard seed, dittony root, angelica, pimpernel, and powdered unicorn's horn with white wine. With any luck, your daughter will recover.

-Dr. Hank

Historical Insight: The pills of Rasis were named after the renowned Arab physician Rhazis. Henry VIII had administered these pills to Anne Boleyn during her near-fatal bout with the Sweat.

Disclaimer: The author assumes no responsibility for any consequences resulting from these remedies. Any legal claims should be directed to the heirs of Henry VIII.

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